Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I was not a glowing and happy pregnant mama! I viewed it more as cruel invasion. My body was not my own and this new inhabitant was not kind to me. This is how my daughter got her first nick name, "Creaturella."
I threw up nearly everyday; morning, noon and night. I would carry a puke bag in my car on the way to and from work. I would stop at random restaurants to throw up, excuse myself from meetings at work to yak and generally felt awful 100% of the time. I remember many mornings that my husband was showering and I would come in and throw up in the toilet, without even a glance or a verbal exchange. My puking became that normal.
To make matters worse I had several friends who were either pregnant or new moms that were like poster moms for glowing pregnancy and motherhood. They had maybe some "mild" nausea for a few weeks and then felt fantastic for the rest of the time. Their acne cleared up, their hair got thicker, their sex drive increased and they felt blissfully in love with their babies in the womb...just as all the books said they would. Me?? I was not enjoying this journey, not at all, not even a little bit. I was not bonding, I was not glowing. A good day for me is one which I managed to get a shower without crying (as the water hit my painful boobs) and hold in a few saltines. It is hard to be happy or connected to anything when you are in survival mode.
While my friends were reading, What to expect when you expecting; I was reading Pregnancy Sucks, http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Sucks-Miracle-Makes-Miserable/dp/1580629342 and finding great comfort in this sarcastic book from a mom who had it worse them me (she grew a third nipple). There is a dark side of pregnancy that either not all women experience, or nobody talks about. I tried, I still try...but I don't have many takers.
It was a good thing I worked in a school which allowed me to have the summer off. Otherwise I would to have taken a leave of absence, I was that sick. I spent the entire summer in the bathroom and on the couch. It was the most pathetic and unproductive time in my life (except for growing "Creaturella" inside of my invaded body of course).
When I returned to work in the fall, I was about 15 pounds thinner with ginormous boobs and bags under my eyes. I still constantly excused myself to vomit, turned inside out at the sight, smell or reference to a vegetable and was in a fowl mood 27/7. I still to this day don't know what my co- workers they were thinking...most likely that I fell into drug addition and got a boob job over the summer.
As part of my on-going denial, I told very few people...until I was about 5 months along. Still, at this point it was hard to see that I had anything growing under my shirt (besides the obvious boob growth). All the vomiting and general dis-interest in food was the best diet I have ever been on. Once I was back at work, I still couldn't function and had to start taking these little white pills that are for patients on chemo to help with the nausea. They didn't take it completely away, but with the correct timing of the pills, the right food and regiment, I was starting to come back to the world. The new catch is now I had the added stress that "Creaturella" would come out with two heads and a tail from taking these drugs!
At about 25 weeks along, something else started to feel strange. I know when you are pregnant you have all sorts of strange sensations and pressures, but this felt different...like a bowling ball between my legs. After a visit with the doctor, I was sent directly to the hospital (again). I had already been there twice in to get fluids for dehydration (all the vomiting). It was at the hospital where I was told I would be placed on strict bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy.
Why do women keep having babies? This really sucked! I am amazed that the human population doesn't cease to exist!
What is your worst pregnancy story? Please share!