Thursday, April 21, 2011
Our kids want us to be happy
I have just come out of a FUNK! This funk was B-A-D! It was a culmination of my perfect storm, the long winter-leading into the dark and rainy spring, falling on my face from an experiment to expand my business, and my husband being in pain, resulting in surgery. I have not been this down since suffering from PPD with the birth of my first child. While I was in this latest funk, I knew I was feeling depressed, but couldn't not seem to shake it. All I knew was that I couldn't stand myself, my husband, my children, my dog or the tornado of toys and muddy paws that that are constantly taking over my house. I was annoyed with everyone and everything. I had no energy, no mojo, and nothing positive to say. I also couldn't figure out why my 4 and 6 year old had been behaving so badly for the last month...until my funk went away.
Yesterday was the best day I have had with my family in...gosh, I can't even remember. We didn't "do" anything yesterday. It was cold and rainy (yet again) and we stayed inside all day. Yet, my children did what I asked them to do, they were loving toward each other, they were playful, and the mood was light and fun. I couldn't get enough of them. I gave them extra hugs, I stared at their adorable faces intently while they spoke, and was actually a bit disappointed when it was bedtime (did I actually just write that)? My children noticed the difference in me as well. Throughout the day I was told, "I like your face when you smile, you are so fun, and I love when you play with me." I was also gifted countless giggles, grins and cuddles by both kiddos. Why? Because I was happy. I was fully present, my energy was positive, and I was enjoying them for the first time in a month...and they felt it.
Of all the things we think our children need-of all the things we "do" for them, what they really need is for us to be happy!
Now that I am officially out of this funk, I can so clearly see that my mood directly impacted the climate of my household. The saying 'If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy' certainly was born from a mom in a funk. Our children (and partners) look to our mood, tone and facial expressions to set the pace for the day. It is unfair pressure, but it is true. Try a day with and without smiles and see the difference in your family.
I know I have neglected myself for the last month. I haven't exercised, no reading, no alone time, no pampering, no hobbies, no romance...I was a very BAD coaching client! I did absolutely no self-care, and of course it made my mood worse. This experience of mine made me reflect on all the moms out there who may not necessarily be in a funk, but are not taking care of themselves because of guilt, lack of time or energy, or they just don't know where to start. It reaffirms that our children (and partners) need us to be happy. You are clearly not the only one who benefits from your self care-your children and partner will thank you too! It is not a luxury to take care of yourself, it is an absolute necessity!
What are you going to do this week to make yourself happy?