Friday, March 4, 2011

One hell of a week!

One hell of a week!

I have had the kind of week that makes me want to crawl up in a little ball and never come out.  As my rotten week comes to an end, I am reflecting on-and digesting all that has happened, and where to go from here.

What was so bad?

One week ago, I called my OBGYN to hear the results of my lab work. The nurse on the other end struggled to find the words to tell me that I was in full-blown menopause.  Yup, that’s right, my eggs are dried up at the rip old age of 37.  To make matters worse, since I am so young, they have a much more “comforting” term-“premature ovarian failure”.  Gee, thanks…it’s always good to be a failure.  Well, like any 37-year-old premature menopausal woman, I took to my bed and cried for hours. 
I am still not sure what to do with this information.

The next day while I was out of town at a 40th birthday party for my sister-in-law, I received a phone call that my grandmother had died.  The rest of the week was spent out of town, away from my husband and children at her services…emoting all over the place.
As if I wasn’t drained enough from the wacky hormones…

As I came back to town, kissed my husband hello and goodbye before he went on a 5-day trip, I went to work and was told that my position was cut (my part-time counseling job-you know, the one that gives our family the benifits and helps pays the bills). 
Total depletion!

How am I doing?

We all have our coping strategies, some healthier then others.  My tendency is to retreat.  I like to be alone, curl up, eat comfort foods and go to bed early.  I did a lot of these activities this week.  My hibernation however can’t go on forever, and a few days of pouting is about all I can manage before the house falls apart.  When things get crappy and the “poor me” time is over, I ask myself two questions:

1) What do I have control over?
2) What do I have no control over?

If I can’t control it, I allow myself to grieve, and I let it go.
  • My hormone levels
  • My grandmother’s death
  • The loss of my job

If I have control over it, I get in motion to do something about it.
  •  How I respond and treat my hormone levels
  • How I decide to keep my grandmother’s memory alive
  • How I start looking for another job

In any situation or hand we are dealt, we decide our response.  We decide how and for how long we grieve, how and when we pull ourselves together, and our next steps for creating change.

  • I am done crying about my failing eggs.
  • My grandmother’s memory will live on throughout my life.
  • I will get my butt in gear and figure out what to do about this job situation.

What are you struggling with? Did you allow yourself to grieve? How long are you going to pout?  What choices do you have to make in creating some positive change?

With you every step of the way!


  1. thank you for the motivation.... just what i needed! :)

  2. Anne in Kansas CityMarch 4, 2011 at 8:12 AM

    I was also diagnosed with POV at age 30. Since then, I've had two naturally conceived biological children and one conceived through the miracle of egg donation and IVF (our middle child). Yep, three boys ages 5, 2, and 1. My outcome was wonderful, but it didn't come without anticipatory grieving, many tears and tantrums, countless hormone injections during 8 insemination cycles and one IVF, an ectopic pregnancy, our 2nd child born 7 weeks too early and spending 3 weeks in the NICU.... It's been a long, hard road say the least, but the rewards have been WELL worth all of it.

    Good Luck to you!!!

  3. Dear Anonymous,
    I am so glad you visited and got what you needed! Best to you :)

  4. egads....I will stop complaining about my week now.
    I don't know you...but HUGS!
    I salute you for having the gumption to stop and realize it's how you react to the hand you are dealt...wish I could realize that more.

  5. Dear Anne in Kansas City,
    Wow! What a success story. I am so very happy for you and our outcome. When diagnosed, I read so many heartbreaking stories from other young women. Thankfully, I have 2 amazing and healthy children already. All that is on my mind is the percieved premature aging that is going to go along with all of this. I just wasn't ready for "the change" for many years to come. Thank you soooo much for sharing your beautiful story!
    Be Well

  6. Dear DDK23,
    No, No...complain all you want. It is healthy to vent...when you are ready...stop complaining and then figure out how to either shift your perspectives or create some changes. I feel your hugs...thank you!!!!

  7. Anne in Kansas CityMarch 4, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    No problem, Heather. I try to share my POV (premature ovarian failure) story with those in the same boat when I can, to counter all the negative stories out there. That's all I was able to find as well when I was first diagnosed and had not yet had my first child. Talk about depressing....geesh!
    I am also 37 years be 38 this coming August. We are NOT old women!! 37 is the new 27, sistah!

  8. Hi Heather,

    Wow. The planets must really be out of alignment. My two part time writing jobs downsized last week and I too, was told I was no longer one of their freelance writers (both jobs notified me of this within a two hour time period - no joke!) I had some mild panic attacks last week and cried just like you. While I never want someone else to go through anything painful, it is also comforting to know that we as women and mothers are not alone.

    Thanks for writing on your blog about this (it inspires me to do the same on mine) and I hope by the time you read this, life has gotten more manageable and hopeful.


  9. Hi Heather J. about poor timing. That sucks about your writing jobs. I really believe when stuff like that happens it is a way to get our attention to look at something else, go in a different direction, and re-evaluate. Perhaps you will find some clarity in writing your blog. And YES...we are never alone!!!

  10. That is a rough week! I really think you have taken the most emotionally healthy as well as productive approach to the situation. I guess the one sort of cliche saying that I truly believe in is that everything does happen for a reason. With that said, I also believe that we create our own luck so stay on course with your plan and I am confident that you will soon look back on all of this (save your grandmother's passing) in a much better situation than you were in before! Stay strong!

  11. Thanks Jennifer! I like your positive feedback. I am feeling so much better already. Attitude is EVERYTHING!!!

  12. Heather, your courage and innate goodness never ceases to amaze me. Despite a horrendous week, you are meeting your challenges head-on and willing to share your personal stories openly, with the sincere wish to be a source of support and hope for women facing similar trials. I am so proud of you. Best of luck to you on your journey as well as your career pathing. Hang in there!! All will turn out even better than you can imagine.