Sunday, June 5, 2011

When you just don't like your kid

When I was a child, my mom often told us, "You always love your kids, but you don't always like them."  I never understood what she was talking about-and never gave it much thought because I figured she was talking about my sister, not me.

I get it mom!

I do not like my daughter right all!  She has been rude, bossy, disrespectful, demanding, whiny and downright a PILL!  She has been all these things- but also acting helpless, weak and needy all at the same time.  It is as if the world revolves around her, and no one else matters.  She wants what she wants, and throws a fit when she doesn't get it.  YUCK!!!

If this kid belonged to someone else, I would think she was a complete brat, and try to withhold judgement about what type of parenting (or lack thereof) that was going on at home.  I admit, I haven't been the ideal parent with her lately, and take my share credit for the negativity in the house.  I am worn down from correcting,  redirecting and modeling appropriate ways of speaking.  So, I am sarcastic right back.  I have been short tempered, and have been praising her brother like crazy (because in my house if you aren't being the "bad one" you work extra hard at being an angel because my kids are incredibly competitive).

I can't help it, I just don't like her behavior.  I angers me! I don't yell at my kids, I never demean them or disrespect them-and I have zero tolerance when they do it to me, or anyone else for that matter.  My husband says he is moving out when she is 16, as he sees this as a preview for ugliness between us that is yet to come.

She is six.

I know this too shall pass, and she is going through some difficult phase that I would rather never repeat-EVER.  But there will be other phases-with her and with her brother.  All I can do now is love her.  Love her through this ugliness, and love myself and my imperfections when I don't respond like I am suppose to.  We will get through this, and I will like her again.  I know this to be true...

because my mom likes my sister (and me)!


  1. I hear you!!! Thanks for your honesty. So true, and I'm just coming out of a phase like that with my older son that went on for months, and now it's the younger one's turn to be the stinkin pill who battles and whines and fusses and generally drives me insane most of the day. Good reminder that my mom likes me too, so some day it will be different!

  2. Thx, Heather for your courage. I dislike all my kids at least once a day. And have zero tolerance for whiny, bratty, self-centered behavior. Admittedly, when my kids are worn out after a full day's activity and lethargic, they're my favorite. Ha, ha! But it's true. And boy are they awesome when they're sleeping. :-))

  3. Thanks Darah and Bethany!
    I have had several private comments about this post. Seems as though this is one of the unspoken truths of motherhood...finding it hard to like your kids sometimes! Thanks for always keeping it real with me ladies!!!

  4. Another great post Heather! My son is going through a similar behavior issue! He's testing the boundaries for sure! I stay consistent with my correction, re-direction and I also offer some one -on-one play time to do whatever activity he wants. I figure he needs some quality, positive mommy time.

  5. Thanks Stephanie for taking the time to read and comment! I know you are a busy woman marketing for Stroller Strides :)
    I admire your persistance in sticking to your boundries. It ain't always easy!!! May our little ones pass through their phases quickly!!!

  6. Hi Heather, I can totally relate to this post. I have been having similar issues with my 4-yr old daughter. But I am the opposite of you...I just can't keep my cool and I am constantly yelling at her, which only makes the situation worse. Now I am fearful that my 2 yr old daughter is going to become like her! I need to have a chat with you some time soon :)

  7. Hi Michelle, I hear you! It is easy to lose it, and I am not perfect by any means. I have just learned that the yelling is completely ineffective with my kids and just makes me feel out of control and yucky. You will find what works for you to keep you balanced and feeling more effective in correcting the issues.

    I would love to chat with you. If you are seriously considering coaching June/July would be a great time-as I am running a 20% off special for new clients.

    Thanks for reading and I hope you stop back!