Friday, May 20, 2011

Finding Your Definition of Mommy

Finding Your Definition of Mommy

Lately, I have been having similar conversations with numerous moms.  They all have one thing in common- they think they are failing as moms. They feel like somehow they are missing the "mom gene" that makes them enjoy their role as a mother.  I see shame on their faces, embarrassment in their eyes, hesitation in their voices, and they almost always apologize for their "nasty thoughts". As these women are choking on their confessions,  I can't help but want to shout out..."DO YOU KNOW HOW NORMAL THIS IS?"  

Almost every mother doubts herself-and how well she is doing the mommy thing. 

The Perfect Mom

Why do we carry around this unrealistic image of the "Sally Sunshine Mom" enjoying every moment of her perfectly organized, always smiling-Kodak ready life with her adorable (and clean) children?  I hate that woman!  She ruins it for all of us!  But the good news is that I don't think that woman actually exists-or at least I have never met her.  I know women who look like they have it all together, but give them a few glasses of wine and a chance to vent-and all of their insecurities come gushing out!

One thing being a life coach for moms has cured me of is mother envy. We all do it...look at the mom who always looks great, arrives on time with well behaved children in toe, and never raises her voice (and still has time to shave her legs and put on a cute outfit).  We then reflect inward and think...what am I doing wrong?  She makes it look so easy and enjoyable, and I suck at it!  Well... do you want to know a little secret?  That woman has issues too!!!  Many of my coaching clients are these well put together- high functioning women who just can't keep up with the facade anymore.  When they finally let out their hair down and ask for help- they can finally breathe!  These "perfect moms" sometimes hate their husbands,  want to quit their jobs, sell their kids on eBay and move to the Caribbean too!

Creating YOUR Journey

The journey of motherhood is drastically different from woman to woman.  There very well may be the Sally Sunshines of the world, (although I don't know any up close and personal) but this is not the only definition of a mother.  When I dig a little deeper with women, I start to hear a disconnect about what they think they "should be doing" versus their core values as a woman.  The happiest moms I know are the ones who define their roles and expectations based on what is important to them-not the perceived stereotype of a "good mom".  I just betcha you would start enjoying it more if you make the rules according to what is important to YOU!!!

  • What if you gave yourself permission to define motherhood on your terms? 
  • What if you took all of your expectation of what you think a mom "should be" and threw them out the window of your hot mama mini van?
  • What is really meaningful to YOU as a mother?
  • Where do you want to spend your time and energy?
  • What does your new definition look like?
  • How does it feel just thinking about it?
Sally Sunshine sucks, and you ROCK!!!


  1. SO true and SO well said! Thanks for putting it out there, Sally Sunshine is a myth. Really. Sure, some moms enjoy it all more than others, but none are perfect or put together all the time. Good questions at the end, I'll have to think about them a bit.

  2. Hi Bethany,
    There was a time that I thought Sally Sunshine was very real-and all around me. I feel fortunate to have made so many connections with honest women who tell it like it is (the good, bad and the ugly)!