When you just don't like your kid

When I was a child, my mom often told us, "You always love your kids, but you don't always like them."  I never understood what she was talking about-and never gave it much thought because I figured she was talking about my sister, not me.


I get it mom!


I do not like my daughter right now...at all!  She has been rude, bossy, disrespectful, demanding, whiny and downright a PILL!  She has been all these things- but also acting helpless, weak and needy all at the same time.  It is as if the world revolves around her, and no one else matters.  She wants what she wants, and throws a fit when she doesn't get it.  YUCK!!!


If this kid belonged to someone else, I would think she was a complete brat, and try to withhold judgement about what type of parenting (or lack thereof) that was going on at home.  I admit, I haven't been the ideal parent with her lately, and take my share credit for the negativity in the house.  I am worn down from correcting,  redirecting and modeling appropriate ways of speaking.  So, I am sarcastic right back.  I have been short tempered, and have been praising her brother like crazy (because in my house if you aren't being the "bad one" you work extra hard at being an angel because my kids are incredibly competitive).


I can't help it, I just don't like her behavior.  I angers me! I don't yell at my kids, I never demean them or disrespect them-and I have zero tolerance when they do it to me, or anyone else for that matter.  My husband says he is moving out when she is 16, as he sees this as a preview for ugliness between us that is yet to come.


She is six.


I know this too shall pass, and she is going through some difficult phase that I would rather never repeat-EVER.  But there will be other phases-with her and with her brother.  All I can do now is love her.  Love her through this ugliness, and love myself and my imperfections when I don't respond like I am suppose to.  We will get through this, and I will like her again.  I know this to be true...


because my mom likes my sister (and me)!

Bringing back your Mojo Podcast

April Perry, the Co-Founder of The Power of Moms, invited me to a podcast focused on the importance of having an identity and interests other then being "Mom".  Thanks for having me April! Be sure to check out The Power of Moms site for amazing articles, sanity saving activities, and upcoming events such as; retreats and Mom Circle Groups in your area!

Do you ever feel empty, unsatisfied, or like something is missing? Do you feel guilty because you have a good life, but you are always looking for more? Are you under the impression that being a mom should fill and complete you . . . but it doesn’t? That’s okay! You’re in good company.

After having children, many women come to the realization that they need to be fulfilled in all areas of their life, not just the part that answers to “Mom.” Don’t get us wrong, being a mom is great, and we love our kids, but that doesn’t mean we can’t love other things too!

There’s no reason to feel down, drained or disappointed when you have a whole community of moms ready to support you as you become the mother (and person) you most want to be.

Whether you’re a new mom struggling to figure out where your pre-mom self has gone, a mom whose children have become a bit more independent, or a mom whose suddenly discovered that her “empty nest” is feeling too empty, we invite you to join April Perry, co-founder of The Power of Moms, and Heather Sobieralski, of My Mama Mojo Life Coaching for moms, as they discuss what feeds their passions–along with tips and tricks for bringing back your mojo and creating a life you love!

Listen to the podcast.

(And one little clarification by April: In the podcast, I was discussing how the development of our specific talents can be helpful to other people, and I listed music as one of my talents that isn’t very serviceable.  Please understand that I was only referring to MY lack of talent in that area.  Musical talents are a beautiful gift to the world.  Thanks!)

Finding Your Definition of Mommy

Finding Your Definition of Mommy

Lately, I have been having similar conversations with numerous moms.  They all have one thing in common- they think they are failing as moms. They feel like somehow they are missing the "mom gene" that makes them enjoy their role as a mother.  I see shame on their faces, embarrassment in their eyes, hesitation in their voices, and they almost always apologize for their "nasty thoughts". As these women are choking on their confessions,  I can't help but want to shout out..."DO YOU KNOW HOW NORMAL THIS IS?"  

Almost every mother doubts herself-and how well she is doing the mommy thing. 

The Perfect Mom

Why do we carry around this unrealistic image of the "Sally Sunshine Mom" enjoying every moment of her perfectly organized, always smiling-Kodak ready life with her adorable (and clean) children?  I hate that woman!  She ruins it for all of us!  But the good news is that I don't think that woman actually exists-or at least I have never met her.  I know women who look like they have it all together, but give them a few glasses of wine and a chance to vent-and all of their insecurities come gushing out!

One thing being a life coach for moms has cured me of is mother envy. We all do it...look at the mom who always looks great, arrives on time with well behaved children in toe, and never raises her voice (and still has time to shave her legs and put on a cute outfit).  We then reflect inward and think...what am I doing wrong?  She makes it look so easy and enjoyable, and I suck at it!  Well... do you want to know a little secret?  That woman has issues too!!!  Many of my coaching clients are these well put together- high functioning women who just can't keep up with the facade anymore.  When they finally let out their hair down and ask for help- they can finally breathe!  These "perfect moms" sometimes hate their husbands,  want to quit their jobs, sell their kids on eBay and move to the Caribbean too!

Creating YOUR Journey

The journey of motherhood is drastically different from woman to woman.  There very well may be the Sally Sunshines of the world, (although I don't know any up close and personal) but this is not the only definition of a mother.  When I dig a little deeper with women, I start to hear a disconnect about what they think they "should be doing" versus their core values as a woman.  The happiest moms I know are the ones who define their roles and expectations based on what is important to them-not the perceived stereotype of a "good mom".  I just betcha you would start enjoying it more if you make the rules according to what is important to YOU!!!

• What if you gave yourself permission to define motherhood on your terms? 

• What if you took all of your expectation of what you think a mom "should be" and threw them out the window of your hot mama mini van?

• What is really meaningful to YOU as a mother?

• Where do you want to spend your time and energy?

• What does your new definition look like?

• How does it feel just thinking about it?

Sally Sunshine sucks, and you ROCK!!!

Mom's Night Out

MOM'S NIGHT OUT

Join us for a well deserved mom's night out every Thursday, starting on May 12th from 7:00-8:30 at Greenberries, Columbia's upscale, eco-chic children's and maternity consignment shop! 


Come as you are, ready to chat, connect, and be inspired!  May 12th is free!  The rest of the session is only $50, including workshops on May 19th, 26th and June 2nd. Space is limited, and registration is required.

The first years of motherhood are filled with extreme emotions.  Riding this roller coaster of elation, exhaustion, chest bursting love, and frustration (or perhaps some buyers remorse), can make any new mother doubt herself, and her abilities as a mom.  Come connect with other real moms in a judgment free zone. Join in some honest discussion-and learn that you are not alone (even if everyone else seems to be smiling through it)!  


Carve out some much needed time to reflect on what is working in your life, and what is not.  Learn to accept (or maybe embrace) the changes in your life in which you have no control, and prioritize and set goals for those you intend to improve.  Find confidence in your parenting philosophies, and decision to work or stay home.  Having this support during the early years is invaluable in not just keeping you sane, but enabling you to thrive!

Moms' night out will be facilitated by Heather Sobieralski, the founder of My Mama Mojo. Heather is a counselor, a certified professional life coach, and mom of two spirited young children of her own.  She is passionate about keeping motherhood real, stimulating rich and thought provoking discussions, and thinking outside the diaper bag.  My Mama Mojo supports moms to live more joyful, mojo filled lives by offering individual coaching, group support, and workshops.  Reconnect with YOU, and learn to thrive a woman and mom.  www.mymamamojo.com

To register for your spot, please stop by Greenberries, contact heather@mymamamojo.com or rachel@greenberriescompany.com  by May 16th..

      

Our kids want us to be happy

I have just come out of a FUNK!  This funk was B-A-D!  It was a culmination of my perfect storm, the long winter-leading into the dark and rainy spring, falling on my face from an experiment to expand my business, and my husband being in pain, resulting in surgery.  I have not been this down since suffering from PPD with the birth of my first child.   While I was in this latest funk, I knew I was feeling depressed, but couldn't not seem to shake it.  All I knew was that I couldn't stand myself, my husband, my children, my dog or the tornado of toys and muddy paws that that are constantly taking over my house.  I was annoyed with everyone and everything.  I had no energy, no mojo, and nothing positive to say.  I also couldn't figure out why my 4 and 6 year old had been behaving so badly for the last month...until my funk went away.

Yesterday was the best day I have had with my family in...gosh, I can't even remember.  We didn't "do" anything yesterday.  It was cold and rainy (yet again) and we stayed inside all day.  Yet, my children did what I asked them to do, they were loving toward each other, they were playful, and the mood was light and fun.  I couldn't get enough of them.  I gave them extra hugs, I stared at their adorable faces intently while they spoke, and was actually a bit disappointed when it was bedtime (did I actually just write that)?  My children noticed the difference in me as well.  Throughout the day I was told, "I like your face when you smile, you are so fun, and I love when you play with me."  I was also gifted countless giggles, grins and cuddles by both kiddos.  Why?  Because I was happy.  I was fully present, my energy was positive, and I was enjoying them for the first time in a month...and they felt it.

Of all the things we think our children need-of all the things we "do" for them, what they really need is for us to be happy!

Now that I am officially out of this funk, I can so clearly see that my mood directly impacted the climate of my household.  The saying 'If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy' certainly was born from a mom in a funk.  Our children (and partners) look to our mood, tone and facial expressions to set the pace for the day.  It is unfair pressure, but it is true.  Try a day with and without smiles and see the difference in your family.

I know I have neglected myself for the last month.  I haven't exercised, no reading, no alone time, no pampering, no hobbies, no romance...I was a very BAD coaching client! I did absolutely no self-care, and of course it made my mood worse.  This experience of mine made me reflect on all the moms out there who may not necessarily be in a funk, but are not taking care of themselves because of guilt, lack of time or energy, or they just don't know where to start.  It reaffirms that our children (and partners) need us to be happy.  You are clearly not the only one who benefits from your self care-your children and partner will thank you too! It is not a luxury to take care of yourself, it is an absolute necessity!

What are you going to do this week to make yourself happy?

Enter to win some complimentary coaching!

My Mama Mojo has officially been in business for 1 year!  What started as a small, part-time phone coaching business has turned into so much more...and the best is yet to come!  To celebrate my birthday, I am raffling some complementary coaching away.  If you are one of the lucky winners, you can decide if you want a space in an upcoming group workshop (for local Mamas) or four, 30 minutes of individual phone coaching.

Sounds great!  Sign me up!

• All you have to do is comment on this blog post.  Tell me (in as few or as many words as you like) why you are committed and ready to making some positive changes in your life to create more joy or bring back your mojo!  If you comment anonymously, please send me a private email so I have your contact info for the drawing.

• On Thursday, April 28th I will do it the old fashioned way by pulling 2 names out of a hat...or maybe a left over Easter basket.

• I will contact the 2 lucky winner and ask their preference (workshop or individual coaching)!

Thanks for playing and good luck!

Spring cleaning of the mind

As I am bagging up the kids' well worn clothes, packing up the random neglected toys, tackling the junk in the corners of my house, and cleaning the dirt off my windows-I am struck at how symbolic all this spring cleaning is for me.  Over the winter, I am a bit of a hibernator.  The cold weather hurts my bones and darkens my spirit.  I go to the gym less, I socialize infrequently, and I find the overall "blahs" hard to shake.  As the weather is warming up, and the sun is starting to shine, I am thinking about what a perfect time to spring clean (not just your physical space), but your mind, body and spirit as well.


What "junk" do you need to get rid of?  Are you holding on to limiting beliefs?  Have you been self sabotaging yourself?  Have you been procrastinating based on fear, self doubt...or perhaps plain old laziness?  Are you blaming motherhood for why you can't make any changes in your life? Are you ready to shake the blahs and bring back your MOJO?


As the clouds begin to part,  the vitamin D is soaking in your skin,  and beauty is blooming all around you-take this time of new beginnings to evaluate your own need to spring clean.  Perhaps you just need a minor dusting or maybe a complete overhaul-but wherever you are is the perfect place to start.


Happy cleaning!