Holiday stress? Do less!

Can your holiday season really be stress free?

For the past few weeks I have been inundated with tips and tricks from magazines, newsletter and blog posts promising a stress free holiday if I follow their simple steps.  And you know what? I don't buy any of it!  As a mother of young children the holidays are going to be stressful if you try to do everything you did pre-children.  It is the same concept as losing weight-there is no magic diet.  To weigh less, you must eat less. If you want to minimize stress, you have to do less.   


Period.  


So for what it is worth, here is one more stress free holiday tip:

Do less!

1) Make a list of everything you "have" to do.

2) Write a statement describing what the holiday season means to you (your values may have changed since becoming a mom). 

3) While reviewing the list, ask yourself if each item relates to your holiday values. Do you want to do each item?  Does it give you meaning or enjoyment?
     -If yes, great-keep doing it.
     -If no, scratch it off the list.

4) Whatever you scratched off, give yourself permission to be guilt free about it.

5) If something is really important to another family member-ask them to take it on.

6) Whatever you decided to keep-enjoy it to the fullest knowing that you don't have to rush through it to scratch something else on your list.

In using my own advice, I no longer send holiday cards or bake more than 1 kind of cookie from scratch.  I decline invitations to events that I really don't want to attend and I don't really care if my gifts are beautifully wrapped (I actually buy a lot of gift cards).  So call me a Scrooge if you like.  All I can tell you is that I make sure to plan the holidays in a way that is meaningful to me and my family-not a list of things to do.  I can honestly say, the holidays are not an increase of stress for me-because I am clear about the things I want to do and the things I have left behind.  If I miss these tasks when I am in a less demanding stage in my life-I will invite them back.

Are you up for revising your holiday "to-do" list in a way that creates meaning and joy instead of stress?

Are you talking to me?

"Your kids are so well behaved.  I didn't even know there were children sitting behind me until I got up to leave."  

Wow....are you talking to me?  

This is the compliment my husband and I received last week while we were out to Red Robin (you know the restaurant with the big red bird and unlimited fries).

This was not a fluke.

We receive the same compliment a few weeks ago while we were out for a "fancy" family dinner to celebrate our 11 year wedding anniversary (after we had to cancel our getaway weekend-long story).  When my husband went to the restroom a man approached him and said, "Your children are so well behaved, how do you do it?"  As we were leaving we saw this same man and his wife getting into their car.  My husband immediately spotted the car seats in their vehicle...and I felt a connection with them.  I remembered those days...wondering if/when we could take our kids out and they would actaully behave.

My husband and I cocked our proud peacock feathers and gushed over our kids on the way home-just beaming from this compliment.  We had come a long way! I was thinking of this couple-out for a night out-looking at our well behaved children wondering what the secret was.

The secret is there is no secret!

It takes time to teach kids to behave.  Some kids get it faster then others and some parents have more patients and tolerance. Our kids were not always so well behaved and I remember often looking at other families wondering how the hell they got their kids to sit, be engaged and practice their table manners.  Many a days my husband and I ended up in the car with one of our kids who was misbehaving, while the other half of the family finished their meal. If you could have seen us two years ago in a restaurant you would have either been highly annoyed that we were sitting near you, thought we were incompetent parents or felt sorry for us.  Whatever your opinion, we were a mess!  It was not because we weren't setting expectations, or following through with rules-it was because our children are very active, don't like to sit and are not real big fans of eating.  Period.

It wasn't just at restaurants, it was going out in public in general.  There was a time when I had enough of the humiliation, defeat and driving home with a face full of tears.  For about an 18 month time frame, I put myself and my children on house arrest.  I wouldn't take them out to eat or even to the grocery store together by myself.  My younger child is a wild child.  He would wander from me, couldn't sit in a chair (or high chair),  needed to touch everything and just wasn't catching on to the rules.  I spent so much time addressing his behavior that there were times that I had my eyes off my 3 year old for so long that it could have been a safety issue.

So I quit. 

I heard opinions such as, "How are you going to teach him if you don't expose him?" "Set the rules and if he breaks them-leave the store."  "You just aren't being strict enough."  Gee, thanks!  How about YOU take both kids to the grocery store and let me know how much food you actually bring home!

We continued to model appropriate meal manners at home.  We practiced safety rules at the park and using our indoor voices, staying with your mommy and listing to directions when we had to go to the doctor's office or were invited to a friend's home.  But it was a rare occasion that we went out to eat or to a store for something other then a one item pick up.

It took a looooong time, but he got it.

Now my kids are 4 and 6, and we get compliments about both their behavior.  Don't get me wrong, I have my fair share of discipline issues (especially with the wild child).  I still have my eyes on him at all times or destroys something or hurts himself-but we are getting there.  My approach worked for me and I wasn't influenced by other peoples' opinions on how I should be raising my kids.  My approach isn't for everyone, but it was MY approach and it worked for me.

So often we get caught up in what we think we should be doing or what the "experts" are telling us to do and it is not genuine to who we are or what feels comfortable to us.  Parenting is damn hard work, but it is even harder if you are doing it in a way that is inauthentic to you.

What are you struggling with now?  


What opinions are you receiving that don't quite feel right and what is your "gut" telling you to do?  


What can you do to implement a plan that is more comfortable to who you are?


What additional support do you need around this area?

New! Bring Back My Mojo Workshop

 Bring Back My Mojo! 

Not quite feeling like yourself since becoming a mom? 

Are you ready to feel great again? 

Come to Charm City Kids Club to connect with a group of like-minded women who are ready to laugh, get real, and support each other with the most common struggles of early motherhood. 

Through discussion, self-reflection and inspiring activities, you will learn realistic strategies to maintain your sanity and reconnect with YOU while enjoying in this crazy journey of motherhood! 

These 6 sessions will be held from 11:00am - 12:00 each Friday 

Starting December 2, 2011 and ending January 6, 2012 

12/2 — Becoming Mom: Your pregnancy and birth story 

12/9 — Letting go of GUILT, anger and resentment of self and others 

12/16 — Accepting changes you can’t control and changing what you can 

12/23 — Self-Care is not a luxury! 

12/30 — Who am I in addition to “Mom?” Creating your new identity 

1/6 — Getting clear on what you want: Setting goals and intentions 

Space is limited! 

$150 for all 6 sessions, and only $125 if you register before November 11 

 Includes a 58 page ebook of activities and self-reflection AND… 

 Free use of the Play Town for your child during the group session ($48 value)! 

If you would rather come without your child or your child is too young to use the space, you will be given 6 vouchers for future use. 

For more information or to reserve your spot, please contact Heather Sobieralski at (301) 717-7731 or heather@mymamamojo.com 

www.mymamamojo.com 

Run Mom, Run!

Is Running a Busy Moms Answer to Fitness... and Sanity?

I always liked the idea of running, but I have never been very good at it-or enjoyed it at all.  My experience of running is signing up for the high school track team because of the cute boys.  After I found myself on the B-String for sprints and taking quite a dramatic and humiliating tumble on the hurdles…it wasn’t very fun anymore.  So, I found myself on the opposite side of the field surprisingly skilled at the shot put and discus (even though at the time I was 5’2 and a buck 10).  Now, a bit more voluptuous, and a lot less concerned about cut boys, I find myself having an itch to be a runner!

I have tried over the years to like running, but it hurt.  It hurt my boobs, my pelvis and it hurt my ego. I have always been a relatively active and athletic person, but the running-I just couldn’t get. 

I became a mother for the first time almost 7 years ago, and have yet to find my fitness stride as a mom.  I would get on really good routines of going to the gym for a few weeks at a time and then someone would always get sick, schedules would change, the kids would complain about the gym daycare or I would lose my motivation. 

I have been thinking about running for quite some time now, and met the perfect person to help me over the hump!  

I was talking to a mother of one of my daughter’s friends.  She is not only a runner, but also a freelance writer about running and has a very popular blog called misszippy1.  I had talked to her about running on a few occasions until finally told her that what I needed was a running coach-someone to help me get started, teach me the right way and keep me accountable.  Well what do you know…misszippy1 is a certified running coach!  I signed up right away.

Miss Zippy (Amanda Loudin) took me shoe shopping, went running with me to watch my stride and sends me weekly schedules to follow.  My first week I was assigned to run 5 minutes/walk 1-minute 3x.  It is 5 weeks later and I'm up to 3 miles!!!  I live in Maryland, but Miss Zippy has clients from all over.  She breaks in newbies like me, modivates experienced runners to get past funks and trains people to prepare for marathons.

I am just not tolerating running, I am LOVING IT!  I have never had an exercise regimen that was so easy-easy in the sense that I put my 3 running days on the calendar, but don’t have to do them at a certain time of the day.  I can put my shoes on and run out the door or drive to the park for a change or scenery.  I am also feeling so empowered by my progress.  I run in the sun, the rain and have spent entirely too much money outfitting myself in preparation of the snow too!

I have found a new passion that is good for my brain, my mood and my body.  I only wish I had started 7 years ago and brought the babies along.

Were you a runner in your pre-mom days?  Do you find the joy of running now or have your ever thought about it?  Do you have your own fitness routine that works for you?

Would you rather be a mermaid or a whale?

At an entrance to a gym there was a picture with a thin, and beautiful woman.  Underneath the picture,  the caption read, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

I suppose this did not sit well with the anonymous author of this letter.  But here is one damn good answer to that question!


"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.


They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.


They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.


Mermaids do not exist.


But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?


They would have no sex life and could not bear children.


Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.


And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?


Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.


At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.


We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.


We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.


Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "
-Anonymous


How about you?  Would you rather be a mermaid or a whale?

Bring Back My Mojo!

Not your ordinary Mom’s group

This group is full!  

Ditch the diaper bag, take a break from the kids, and come to Greenberries to connect with a group of like-minded women who are ready to laugh, get real, and support each other with the most common struggles of early motherhood.

Through discussion, self-reflection and inspiring activities, you will learn realistic strategies to maintain your sanity and reconnect with YOU while enjoying this crazy journey of motherhood!

Join our focused meet-up group targeted toward creating more joy for the MOM!

6 sessions will be held from 7:30-9:00 every other week

Starting October 6^th and ending December 15th

Session 1: Becoming Mom: Your pregnancy and birth story

Session 2: Letting go of GUILT, anger and resentment of self and others

Session 3: Accepting changes you can’t control-changing what you can

Session 4: Self-Care is not a luxury!

Session 5: Who am I in addition to “Mom?” Creating your new identity

Session 6: Getting clear on what you want: Setting goals and intentions

$10 for individual drop-in sessions (pre-registration required)

$40 for all 6-session pre-registration required by September 29^th

*Includes weekly pdf. file of activity and self-reflection

Q and A

Q: I am not local to Baltimore/DC, but this sound great!  How can I get involved?

A: If you are interested in doing this workshop via teleconference, please email me with your contact information and what days/times will work for you.  I will create a list and start an addtional group if we have enough interest.

Q: Why is this workshop so cheap?

A:  I have taken a culmination of the common concerns and frustrations from my clients and have written a workbook.  This group will be a pilot of the very first group to use the material.  The cost of this workshop will go up to $150 after this first go around.

Q: Is this group geared toward working moms? Stay at home moms? New Moms? Experienced Moms?

A: Yes, yes, yes and yes!  This group is for any woman who feels like she has neglected her own needs since becoming a mother.  This opportunity is perfect for women who want to reconnect with who they are and are ready to make some realistic changes to create a more joyful life.

Q: What are the exact dates of this workshop?

A: October 6, 20, November 3, 17, December 1 and 15

Q: Can I come to just the topics that interest me?

A: Yes, you can pay a drop in fee of $10 a session or pay $40 in advance for all 6 sessions.  Pre-registration is required either way.

Q: Will I receive any materials or written information about the workshop?

A: Yes, you will receive an electronic version of the workbook so you can go at your own pace.

Q: Can I purchase the workbook if I can't attend the group?

A: Yes, the workbook purchased separately is $15.

Q: Can I bring my child/children?

A: This is your time to be YOU, away from your kids.  You will get more out of the group if you give your undivided attention, I do understand that emergencies happen, so babies on laps are welcome.  NO TURBO TODDLERS PLEASE!!!

Q:  I am very busy, how much "extra work" is expected from this group.

A:  On our "off" weeks you can work on the activities from your workbook.  You can read and reflect, or journal.  Once in a while you will have a homework assignment (ex. a date by yourself).  The amount of time you put into this workshop is entirely up to you.

Q: Are there any rules to the group?

A: We can talk more about this as a group, but my 2 big rules are what is said in the group stays in the group and it is a zero judgement zone!

Q: Can we make this like a Mom's night out and have drinks and munchies?

A: Absolutely!  BYOB of choice

Q:  Sign me up, I'm ready to go!  How do I pay?

A:  You can pay vial Pay Pal (I will send you an invoice) or write a check to My Mama Mojo.

If you would like more detailed information, have interest in joining a future daytime group, or are ready to reserve your spot on October 6th, please contact me at (301) 717-7731 or heather@mymamamojo.com

                                                           

Hello Big Yellow School Bus

It has been a LONG summer!  I have been the director, events planner and counselor for “Camp Mommy” for 9 weeks and 4 challenging days. Yup, just the three of us ALL SUMMER LONG.  I have done a lot of soul searching over the past 6 ½ years and have come to terms with the fact that as much as I would like to be, I am not the stay at home type.  I just don’t like it. I have tried the stay at home thing, the working full-time gig and the part-time schedule.  Hands down, I am just not happy when I stay home with my kids. As much as I value a parent who stays home, it brings out the worst in me.  I have embraced who I am and let the guilt go about that one.  In owning who I am as a mother and woman, I found that when I work outside the home for pay, upon returning home I am more present, I have more patience and I value my children in a way that I just can’t muster up when I am home with them everyday-day after day.  

So what the hell was I thinking this summer??!!!

Let me explain…In addition to being a life coach, I work part-time as a school counselor-so I was “off” a good bit this summer.  I only work a handful of days at my counseling job when school is out- and June, July and August are traditionally very slow months for helping professionals. I didn’t plan on making much money this summer and just couldn’t justify sending my 4 and 6 year old to camp when I was home and not earning any money.

Although terrified at the thought of all this time at home, I dove right in to the summer with elaborate camp schedules, sticker charts and even played “school” 5x a week. The kids loved it!  They were buying into the behavior charts, getting a kick out of playing school and were listening to directions more then they had in months.  Then weeks 3 and 4 came and I was exhausted from holding together all this structure.  I am not an organized, “tight ship” kind of person and all this planning and consistency was killing me slowly.  As the days went on, I was less enthusiastic, scheduled school time was sporadic and the fighting and whining began (and never stopped).  When the kids fight, it is the fastest way for me to loose my patience and NOT enjoy my time with them. I muddled through week 5 and 6 knowing that our 2 week vacation was around the corner and at least I would have backup (AKA Big Daddy).  I pretty much used the sticker charts as threats instead of rewards until vacation came because I had no steam left to do it the right way.  The kids had beaten me down!  I was holding on to the thought of a change of scenery at the beach (because we all know the term “vacation” is used loosely when you have young children).  Our trip was a fine diversion, but upon our return we had a week and a half more to go before school and work started back up for good.

These two weeks were so difficult.  Swim lessons were over, most of our friends were on vacation, it was 90+ humid degrees outside, the kids were bored and I just wanted school to come already!  I had an internal struggle going on with wanting to feel grateful that I have the choice to be home with my kids and that I “should” be enjoying them VS just really wanting that bus to come!  My old friend, GUILT came back and I was so sad and disappointed that I couldn't be happy about this time with my kids and have some genuine fun.  But I could not.  

After an earthquake and no electricity for 3 days due to Hurricane Irene, school finally started (3 days latter then expected) this week. I am happy for the structure the school routine gives to my family.  I like knowing that they are in a safe and stimulating environment while I am happy at work.  I can now I look forward to seeing them at the end of the day instead of waking up with anxiety about the upcoming day at Camp Mommy!  I am who I am, and work is a large  part of my identity.  Without it, I am "mom" and this role is just not all fulfilling for me.  And in large dosages,  I just don't feel very good at it.

I know views and perspectives vary wildly on this topic.  I have friends who could never/would never stay home with their children all summer despite their working situation.  I also have friends who cry every year when that big yellow school bus comes.  Sometimes the tears are for the decreased time they will spending with their children, while other times it is due to the fact that they are kissing the slower pace of summer goodbye.  Whatever this transition is for you, if your kids are school age you are entering a different rhythm as September has arrived.

What are you looking forward to and/or what are you sad to leave behind?

How was this summer for you?

Did you learn anything about yourself?